Pretty Much Amazing

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Lost Love

So, this is going to be my first blog really about my personal life. I've decided I'd keep the real names involved a mystery--or not, so you're on your toes if you're some creep.
The other day, I recieved a message over facebook. When I read it at work I was shaken. Every one of my limbs shook with the tremor only a lost love could give. Chris sent me a message. *I have to go and get tissues already* See, I've come the the conclusion that people can love more than one person in their lives. Of course, I'm young so love is very misinterpreted with lust and like. My ex, Daniel, is someone I consider my first love. You may hear about him some other time. I'll just say that that story is something reminiscent of a season on a teeny soap opera. There's a dramatic beginning and end. It was just a season in my life though. And then there's the one that got away. I consider that to be maybe Chris. It gets tricky that he actually lives far away.
I've never met Chris really. And I'm dramatically against something like that. But I could tell her was real and we talked a lot, so that is why it got so far. I first talked to him over a year ago when I was discovering sex and my body and who I can want to open myself to. It was of course the summer. I think he messaged me over myspace or something like that. I talk to everyone I become freinds with on there. I barely remember it all, but he is hot. He's Egyptian and has great skin and is so real. I liked him. I remember talking a lotto him over AIM then. I wish my computer didn't crash sicne then, because I know I saved some conversations, because they got dramatic. For some reasons he got extremely mad at me. He took a break from talking to me after getting mad once and that's when I met my ex. Chris talked to me again and that's when he got extremely mad. I knew I had to choose one and it was this guy who I had crazy emotions about--good and bad, or the guy I've kind of just met that lived 50 miles away rather than 500. I chose the latter. And that was another story.
I didn't hear from Chris again until I contacted him. Until after my relationship was over. A year later. He replyed after a few days and we started talking again. I swear it's like with him my feelings rise exponentially. The first night I believe we talked until 4 am. We talked about everything since then kind of. What hppened with my ex, and with his. We both had our first loves by then. His was more in the past, and he was weary that mine was not enough in the past. I knew that he had doubts and he was falling more and more for me too. it got bad because there were breaks of a day from us talking. One time he did it, because he wanted to not talk to me to not feel for me. Another time it happened apparently because of juvy? The connection we made was so great this past summer. That's why it hurt so much when he actually did not talk to me anymore after something happened with his phone. I knew he could just go online and say hi. He rarely goes onthe internet, but if he really felt that much for me, he would. I always assumed he did it because he needed to be a bit "selfish". He couldn't fall for someone so far away. He couldn't fall for someone and get hurt. We both have felt that hurt before and we didn't need it. But it still hurt when he left.
I knew that he had to know how I felt. I tried to contact him over myspace, facebook, and his phone. I messaged his top friends on myspace, and they haven't heard from him either. After 6 months he replied to me over facebook when I left him this message, "I may know why you don't talk to me, but I'd really wish that you do talk to me. I miss talking to you. I miss you." He replied, "im sorry i never get on. text me sometime. *phone number*" I nearly cried at work when I read it.It's been 6 months. I called his number so many times to just see if he'd answer, only to get the stupid message about the number not working. I got what I wanted finally. But I had so much to say. I texted him immediately. But he didn't answer. I waited and waited and texted a bit more and nothing. It was like that yesterday and today. So I called, and it was a lady's voicemail. "Ok, so maybe his mom," I thought. No. When I called some hours ago the lady answered and she said that it was the wrong number. She was very sweet though. I kind of wanted to tell her everything. See what happens. It is the same area code.
So I wonder. Did he give me the wrong number accidentally or purposefully? If it was the latter then it is all one big joke. But it never felt that way. I remember after one of the breaks from talking to me, his frined was messing around answering and avoiding me and I got mad. I got pissed. I think it was a lapse of maybe a week since I talked to him. So I called again and he answered and when he was going to talk to me I was crying and he felt so bad. I could hear it so clear in his voice. He didn't want to hurt me. Besides, why would he do it purposefully? He could just ignore the message.
Now if it was an accident, which was more likely then it deserves at least a tear. See, he rarely goes online anyways. If he believes he gave me his number and he doesn't get a responce from me, then he may not see that I messaged him back that it was the wrong number for awhile. He may think that I don't care for him anymore. Which is totally untrue. I remember hoping every time I called that number that I would hear his voice again. He has such a unique voice. It's the thing I love most about him physically. Alwaya with Chris will be his voice. It's part country, part American, part something else altogether. It's quite tragic that it all may happen like that.
It gets a bit more dramatic too. One more reason that he is possibly sincere with the number is the picture comment he made on the picture of a guy I've been seeing recently. I'll call him Michael. Chris left this comment, "not a fan. :-)" It seemes like he thinks I could do better. Him. Also, maybe he thinks I've moved one without him with that picture, so he would not think to come and maybe read my reply to his message.
Ohh I hope so much that he just decided to go online and check. he needs to know. I'm here and I've been waiting for him for 6 months. it hasn't been every single moment, yes, but I've thought about him in that time. I've thought about how great he is. I've missed him. it would be damn tragic if he doesn't read it for another 6 months. If I don't hear from him in another 6 months. Then I may be in a relationship. It'll be right before I'm off to college. that relationship should be ending anyway. Maybe it could work then. I feel like there's people that are always in each others lives. I hope so much that Chris is one of those people. I don't want to have to worry if something bad happens in his area--it has happened before. I don't want to be so long time away from him. I want to hear his voice again. I want to hear that of all the Pokemon I'm Vulpix for some reason and he's Dragonite. I knwo I chose that one a year and a half ago because it was always the strongest and most beautiful Pokemon of all. It was the closest to being a legendary. But in my life, he is a legendary. He is so beautiful in all aspects and he seems so powerful, too.
I can only hope that maybe if this blog gets big, which would be extremely unlikely, he would see it. But he doesn't get online, really. So maybe I'll have followers who live in his area. People who know him. That would be great. I hope fate is good to me and him, and hopefully it's good that at the right time we are together. Be it now or 6 months from now or 6 years from now. All I know is that I've watched Definietely, Maybe and Slumdog Millionaire. And a ton of other movies and read books that have destined love happen. There's A Thousand Splendid Suns. I love that love. The love that can happen over so long amounts of time and finally when it reaches the point where it can truly happen, great love is accomplished. I want that.

I'll add pictures from my winter break. I got a new camera and I love the pics.

Angry Gays

Well sometimes I go on places like craigslist to see how people really are when they have a want. It's interesting to see people like that, and how people adapt to Internet sex lingo and such. So during one of my people observations I found a new phenomenon. It's the angry gay. He is quite interesting. He is a scary MF'er. He is angry at the world because he is gay, but it's more than that. He's PO'ed at the world because of things that have happened because he is gay. Now these people would be interesting to meet, but I would be too terrified. I just want to show you people of this new class. And it is interesting, because one would not expect these people to be gay. It expands the breaking foe the stereotype. Just read and look at the pictures. It speaks for itself. the print is small, but I wanted to show how authentic it was. I could not make this up.

Kids

I hate kids these days. OK, well I hate SOME kids.
I went on my school bus, and while the bus was driving out, I saw there were book bags on the ground. A kid ran past the bus. He jumped onto the side of the bus in front of the line of buses. He was hanging from a window. then, he jumps off and goes to the posterior of the bus and open the safety door. He disappeared into the crowd of students on the bus, emerging and running back towards the school with the keys to that bus.
Now I was sitting on my bus. I was in awe. My friend next to me was as well. Everyone had a sudden curiosity for the situation taking place over there. That curiosity intensified and eventually got answered as the boy returned with a crowd of students. They basically went on the bus and that bus driver and her daughter got off and came to the bus I was on. The other bus driver got the keys back from the boy in the process.
She came on our bus with her daughter. her hair was crazy. It looked like some pig tails an 8 year old girl would wear only with bright pink extensions coming out to the sides. The pink was nearly as fluorescent as the safety neon yellow vest worn loosely about her top. Her daughter dressed more tame. She was slightly frantic, but knew what she was doing. She said that she would not stand being on that bus with kids threatening her. Saying they would beat her up. Saying this and that. They wanted her and her daughter, because she said that if they got off the bus, they could not get back on. Those students went off the bus. So, the ones on the bus threw the disobey-ers stuff off the bus, as she drove away without them.
It became a near riot. It was maybe 10 min of crowds around my bus. People were going off and on the bus in front of us. People were on the side of the bus cussing to the bus driver and daughter. People were trying to get on our bus through out back safety exit, ironically. One boy tried to open the front bus door, and did. But he just yelled and cussed at the bus driver to get back on her bus and drive them home. People have places to go. People have to work. People have obligations.
"Well think about that next time YOU want to break the rules," I nearly responded. I knew it was not my place though. Although we have some disruptive kids on the bus, our bus was relatively calm. We just looked on at the chaos taking before us. Except one girl. She started to talk louder, and she talks loud anyways. She started to yell at the bus driver for now moving and for being nosey, staying there. She did not understand that we were trapped. Buses were behind us and this bus was stopped right in front of us. And when the bus driver explained that to her, she replied that she was not talking to the bus driver, but about her, so the bus driver should not have responded.
What? So a girl that talks loud about people, can say all she wants, but when anybody says anything back she dismisses it. That makes sense? She is a kid i dislike. I have already had my little altercation with her and he little clique, but that's a different story. She wants to talk about people, but would be afraid to talk to them. She tries to act all big and bad, but when it comes down to it, she does not follow it.
So people cussing on and off the bus. people acting crazy all around. The school security finally showed up and that helped calm everything down. Kids started getting back to where they were supposed to be. The near riot disappeared. the bus driver and her daughter got off and we watched them fade with the distance, hoping they would not get jumped.
These kids. I can sure hate some of them and how they lack respect for other people, such as elders and adults and people with authority over them. It is very irresponsible of the kids to act in this manner. it shows that their parents did not raise them right or something. I just hope that they learn somehow to grow up and become mature. but then they would not be kids anymore. Kids. Wild and crazy in this world.